Procrastinating...

Procrastinating...

An exam to sit tomorrow but have yet studied and revised finish. It cost like 180 for just one exam.

Wish me luck.  :(

So going to study NOW. RIGHT NOW....

WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?

There goes my xxx dollars

And so... I bought 3 ear rings and 2 necklaces. There goes my 100 dollars.

And then... I bought a new longchamp bag. There goes my 180 dollars.

Joanne, you are dead........

Irritating

Irritated.

Happily enjoying my night and such spoiler msg or incident can just ruin my day. Nothing surprising, as this is something that has happened for the past few months. It's just simply irritating thts all.

I still can't calm myself over this thing. You just can't keep on telling me what to do. I think I know why I m mad. If u hav told me that face to face, I will still be fine with it. But through msg, sorry thts a bit rude.

Oh Lord Jesus!

It was just a nightmare

I woke up.....and....it was just a nightmare :)

It has been x years. I don't regret for the decision I made at that time because I know the Lord will be faithful in this matter. And I believe He is still loving and blessing us even today. :)

That time, a lot of people around me told me a lot of things. Like Joanne, you should do this. Joanne, you should do that. Joanne, if he can't make the decision, you should be the one who make the decision. Joanne, you shouldn't do this. Joanne, you shouldn't do that. ALRIGHT ENOUGH I GOT IT! I GOT IT OKAY? SO STOP!!!

I asked a lot of what if......he will...... I know him well enough that those what if might end up as a nightmare for both of us. Although I did hoped that it won't happen, nightmare did happened and when that happened, I was lost. No one cares about how I feel. No one knows how strong I have to be just to make that one decision. How much have I been "lectured" by xxx and xxx and xxx even after everything ended. And even after all of those, why should xxx told my dad about it??

My dad didn't scold me or say much to me, just shared with me his mum concern. I cried badly while my dad talked to me that night. I remembered clearly what is her concerns even until today. Why is everyone doing this to me? This isn't fair to me. You all made and forced me to make this decision and I obeyed!!! BUT why do you still need to acknowledge my dad about it? Why must my dad hear from you about this? It wasn't fair. Yes, you know his parents and my parents, but why can't you just ask my permission before telling my dad? 

I know, at that point of time, my dad loves me more than anything. His heart must have ache so much when I cried on the phone. I never ever once cried in front of my dad, that was the first time. I believed he prayed a lot for me before and after our conversation. And...I kept this to myself. And what happen next, I was lost in the world.

I was doing things that I want and in my own ways. I love my best friends especially qm at that time because she knew how I felt and what situation am I in. She listened to me and understand all the pressure I am having. Only she understand when I told her those "stories". At the same time, he denied whatever I said even though I tried my best to explain. I explained, and it didn't went in. I tried telling him my dad called and mentioned about all those things, seriously hoping that he can understand my situation and feel for me. It never happened. 

Can't deny if you had not jump to conclusion so fast at that time, things would have been different. 

Can't deny if you have asked or I have explained about those photos, things would have been different.

Can't deny if xxxx hasn't send out that msg to me on behalf of you, I would not have been so pissed with the whole thing. 

Can't deny if you had explain to me at that time, I would have reacted differently. 

We were both hurt in the process. In different ways. We both hated each other. In different ways. Bad words came out from our mouth and that continued for some time. Some words were said and were forgotten, only the listener remembered as we didn't really mean what we said. And there's this few statement that hurts every time it was mentioned. Disappointment. Anger. Misunderstanding.

The Lord was faithful. He never ever did gave up on me and yes, He still loves me. He called me back after I wandered around for few months. To make me realize that only Christ is the reality and I can't live a life without Him. I believed that we both had grew in life, gained and experienced more of Christ after all these. :) Whether things will be different if I had not make that decision? I really don't know because I believe all the things that happened were part of God's arrangement. I trust that as long we give ourselves to the Lord, He surely will bless us and lead us through everything. 

I love you Lord Jesus!

It's 12.44am, I cant believe I am still awake. Friday's small group today! :) :)

Best Friend - Jason Chen

Do you remember when I said I'd always be there. 
Ever since we were ten, baby. 
When we were out on the playground playing pretend. 
Didn't know it back then. 

Now I realize you were the only one 
It's never too late to show it. 
Grow old together, 
Have feelings we had before 
Back when we were so innocent 

I pray for all your love 
Girl our love is so unreal 
I just wanna reach and touch you, squeeze you, somebody pinch me 
This is something like a movie 
And I dont know how it ends girl 
but I fell in love with my Best Friend 

Through all the dudes that came by 
And all the nights that you'd cry. 
I was there right by your side. 
How could I tell you I loved you 
When you were so happy 
With some other guy? 

Now I realize you were the only one 
It's never too late to show it. 
Grow old together, 
Have feelings we had before 
When we were so innocent. 

(Chorus) 

I know it sounds crazy 
That you'd be my baby. 
But you mean that much to me. 

'Cause nothing compares when 
We're lighter than air and 
We don't wanna come back down. 

But I don't wanna ruin what we have 
Love is so unpredictable. 

But it's the risk that I'm taking, 
Hoping, praying 
You'd fall in love with your best friend 

(Chorus) x2 

I remember when I said I'd always be there 
Ever since we were ten. 
When we were out in the sandbox [playground] playing pretend. 
Didn't know it back then...

Wishlist - My 5 Wants

5 Wants:

1. Macbook Air 11 inch

2. A new Longchamp Bag

3.  Tiffany & Co. Charms

4. iPad 2 White

5. Diamond Watch

What If

What if....

 

What if there was no light 
Nothing wrong, nothing right 
What if there was no time 
And no reason, or rhyme 
What if you should decide 
That you don't want me there by your side 
That you don't want me there in your life 

What if I got it wrong 
And no poem or song 
Could put right what I got wrong 
Or make you feel I belong 

What if you should decide 
That you don't want me there by your side 
That you don't want me there in your life 

Oooooooh that's right 
Let's take a breath, jump over the side 
Oooooooh that's right 
How can you know it if you don't even try 
Oooooooh that's right 

Every step that you take 
Could be your biggest mistake 
It could bend or it could break 
But that's the risk that you take 

What if you should decide 
That you don't want me there in your life 
That you don't want me there by your side 

Oooooooh thats right 
Let's take a breath, jump over the side 
Oooooooh that's right 
How can you know it when you don't even try 
Oooooooh that's right 

Oooooooh thats right 
Let's take a breath, jump over the side 
Oooooooh that's right 
You know that darkness always turns into light 
Oooooooh that's right